Hope my Lilly is this excited about the mornings...her mom is NOT a morning person!

Check out this great MSN video: Little girl gives herself a pep talk

She likes a lot of stuff, mom was way down the list...after "her Alison" in fact. And dad was twice. She also likes her hair! Go girl, in 10 years I hope your mom pops this in when you are having some form of teenage girl angst melt down.

Mean Puppy...

I love how serious this little guy is!! I wouldn't mess with him! Looks like he's about to Judy Chop somebody right in the face!

Thanks Kate Gosselin!

One of my favorite Bible verses was brought to my attention by none of than one Kate Gosselin. This factoid she mentioned in one of her one-on-one interviews she would do after the show (when it was actually good and not so train wrecky). She was referencing the verse towards her children and even had a shirt on with Isaiah 40:26 printed on it. So like any other crazed baby mongrel I looked it up!

"Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing."

Well during my "ordeal" I thought well good for you Katie! But then I started thinking about what Isaiah was saying. First off he's drawing our attention to the awesomeness of God's handicraft! I mean sometime (probably when it's warmer, because I believe Al spoke a little too soon when he declared "global warming" P.S. it's going to be 9 degrees in Alabama tonight!)...anyways...look at the sky on a super starry night. It's amazing! Living in the sticks like we do the big sky line is actually a bonus for us! It's breath taking on clear nights and always a reminder of just how BIG our God is!

Isaiah is obviously impressed with his sky view as well to have written this verse. But he asks "who created all these?" Then he says God calls them each out one by one by name. All the stars. One by one. By name.

Oh, I love this so much!! I hope when I get to heaven I get to help God throw out some of those stars! How cool would it be to stand in God's "Star Station" (that's where I'll work) and He'll say "Okay, Steph I need Epislon 5" and I'll find Epislon 5 and be like "here you go," and I'll get to watch as He throws it into outer space! Ummm... I love that idea!

So just think next time you see a shooting star, it's God zooming that star to where it belongs, and you got to watch God put it there!

Aaagghhh! Don't you just want to squish it?!

Just thought you needed to see this little guy! I have no idea what he is but I need to squish my face to his little belly and talk to him with my lips squished together and tell him that I love him.

Lilly's Name

As a little girl I literally named everything Sara. No "H." I had shoes (pink glittery jellies, worse blisters every!) named Sara. A bunch of baby dolls named Sara, and finally a baby sister named Sara (Hey!) I like naming things!

Around our farm I am forbidden from naming things. The two baby cows that magically appeared in our fence are a good example as to why I can NOT name things on our farm. See I thought they were new additions to our already crazy farm life, I was wrong. My husband saw them as walking Rib eyes! Therefore he named them, "Yummy" and "Tasty." I refused to partake in them! He tricked me one night and I knew it was them because it "tasted like outside!" Also the last Fallow Deer born on the farm I named "Lama Lama Mad at Momma." I thought it was cute. They look like baby lamas! The men of the farm did NOT think it was that cute!

But when it came time to choose a name for our little baby there was no doubt what I would name her. The day my world stood still, the doctor was talking I assume because she was moving her lips but I couldn't hear a word she was saying! Brandon Heath's song "Wait and See" was so loud in my head it was all I could hear. This song says "There is HOPE for me yet, because God won't forget all the plans He has for me. Just you wait and see, He's not finished with my yet." Over and over that part of the song sounded in my ears so loud my ears actually hurt! God was loudly reminding me He wasn't through with me. He wasn't going to give up on me!

I went home numb but I sat down and opened my Bible. It fell open to Hebrew 11:1, which says "Now faith is being sure of what you HOPE for and certain of what you do not see."

There it was again, HOPE. I needed to have HOPE in my Lord and Savior. I decided then if I ever had a little girl I would name her Hope. I was rereading Harry Potter when I found out I was pregnant again and his mommy's name is Lily. I know, I know! But every character described her as "good and kind." Who wouldn't want that description of their daughter?!

Even though we are going to call her Lilly, I will always remember that HOPE that only God can provide every time I look at her! I can't wait to get to look at her for the first time while she's laying in my arms! What a miracle I'm getting to be part of! I couldn't be more happy!

Plus we are HUGE Auburn (University) fans so we can call her "Tiger Lilly!"

Oh Baby, Baby!

WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!

Lillian Hope to be exact! She will be here before we know it (June 5th) and her daddy and I can't wait! But she my dear friends was no easy task. Yes, it does seem that every low life and crackhead in town can pop out a litter or two if you are the one trying for a baby! But one musten dwell on the things she cannot control! For 2 and a half years my husband and I tried the old fashion American way, but nothing happened. Panic is one word I could use to describe it but I am truly failed by the English language when I try to describe this time in my life!

When I was 21 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Cysts (gross) but the doctor really didn't give me any details on this situation and basically sent me packing. He slapped my leg and said "I'm not going to say you can't but I would try and have a game plan by 25." What was he crazy? 25 is a spring chicken! I couldn't be all washed up in the baby making business in 4 years! So as we were both in college my husband and I decided to wait a few years to really start trying.

Month, after month, after month went by and there was no baby coming. I was devastated. I just knew my 25 year death sentence was going to come true. But God is good and kind and the ultimate Date Planner, this little tid bit I forgot or shoved away really. So, I went to the doctor (a new one , a lady she would get it, she would understand....so I thought) she put me on Clomid and Progesterone. And the crazy came in tow! The hormones made me NUTS! Made my hair turn wavy! Made my skin weird! But I was so desperate! I would take anything I could get! I was totally in control of this! I had a new lady doctor, a drawer full of drugs, and low and behold....a positive pregnancy test! I was elated!!! A baby was coming, my own baby, one that I could hold and love and be mine....

4 weeks later I went to the doctor for my first ultrasound. There on the screen was this big black dot, empty. I knew something wasn't right. The ultrasound lady who is normally very chatty was stone silent. She confirmed my worst fear that no baby was in the sack. I had something called a Blighted Ovulm, its where your body does everything right except it forgets to make a baby. Crushed, defeated, broken; I went home so angry at God for lying to me, for giving my fake hope, for taking something away from me! I started posting all the walls around me because that made me stronger some how. I became a bad wife, a bad sister, a bad daughter, a bad friend, a bad Christian, a bad everything! It didn't help that this end of the world as I knew situation happened right before the holidays either!

I remember having panic attacks and having to run to the bathroom so I could cry for a minute and then go fake "I'm okay." Everyone around me was pregnant and I couldn't understand why I had been skipped in the baby line! I began blocking out God's whispers of "give this to me," and "I love you, this will not last forever." Instead all I could hear was the devil using my depression to bury me deeper and deeper. I finally came to the conclusion that I needed a shrink to write me a prescription for whatever would make me not feel. I randomly googled for one in Montgomery (Alabama) and found this lady who had an opening that week. She was going to make this pain and loss go away and all I had to do was cry on her couch and tell her about my panic attacks, so I thought.

This lady wrecked my train wreck! When I walked in the door she goes "I knew God was sending me somebody who doesn't need to be here." So of course I think I've found the craziest lady in the universe but I go with it because she's got the prescription pad! So I listen to her more than I talk and she's telling me I just need to give my hurt over to God. Hum...there He was again knocking. She prayed over me and gave me the number to a infertility support group and the name of a doctor in Birmingham. I go home with no meds. I think about what she says because a light that I had stuck a shade, a blanket, a couch, and a dog over began to glow again. God loved me. He cared when I was upset. He wanted good things for me....maybe this chick was right. So I called the infertility support group, they were meeting this Thursday (I didn't know at the time they only met once every other month) and I called the doctor and he wanted me to come the following Monday. Guys a doctor in Birmingham at a major hospital had an appointment within a week of me getting his name! At the time I was unaware of the Love Song being song for me by God. That whole week I kept thinking about what the shrink said. "He loves you, he only wants to prosper you, he is big enough to handle you being mad at him, and he holds your tears." By Thursday night I was ready for the support group. I made my sister go along with me (because I'm a chicken) and pretend she was my friend Nicole who also couldn't get pregnant! The women were amazing, they were all sharing my journey and my pain. Some had children and wanted another, some had lost children, and others were just like me. They made me feel human again, like my brand of crazy was normal and they understood how I felt because they felt that way too. I left there changed. The God fires were burning again!

I met with the Birmingham doctor the next week on fire again. He prayed for my husband and I and the future God had already written for us. He tested me for a killer antibody and I had it, no other doctor had thought to even test me for it! And guess what, I had it! He treated it but still no baby. I never lost hope with this man though, I could feel that I was supposed to be brought to him. We continued seeing the doctor and finally I had surgery for endometriosis. I had that too, but everybody else just wanted to pump me full of drugs and write me off as a lost cause! But one of the girls in my group said it best, "we often have this ideal schedule in our minds of when we want to have a baby, but we never think if it's right for them. God has to prepare our babies entire life, his friends, his future spouse. We have to patient for that." I needed to start praying for patience, it's not one of my virtues!

I finally began to give total control to God after all this time of hurt. Because holding on to the hurt allowed me to hold on to that baby or the idea of that baby. That hurt meant something was there, something was important, something was mine. After almost 3 years of nothing I began to change my prayer life. Instead of praying for a baby I began to pray to my future no matter when it started! I began to pray for peace around the clock because the crazy would sneak up on you at all hours of the day. And I began to pray that I could give up my grieving.

Two months after the last surgery, I took a trip to the mountains with my mother and grandfather. I was sick as a dog the entire trip. I being "ye of little faith" at times just assumed it was from my mother's driving. But no, a little butter bean was planting herself in me. I took another dreaded pregnancy test and got 3 positives! I told my family and close friends only because I knew the possibility but 4 and half months later here I am with a God story and baby kicking in my belly. He is our stronghold. The one we should run to not from. I still have moments of doubt and fear but we are called to NOT have a spirit of fear. I of course still worry something will happen to her, but then I think back to the journey I had to take to get her. I can honestly say I'm glad to have been on this ride because I understand the value of child. Before I was just caught up in wanting a baby. But now I want a child to raise in a Godly home and in His image. I understand that children are really just rentals from God! It's been a long journey but God is a good pilot!

Isaiah 61:1-3 - verse given to my by Doctor Earl Stradtman (B'ham doctor) . He said it reminded him of me.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoner, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who morn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

"Would You Lookie There..."

I saw this guy on MSN.com. At first I thought he was way crazy because he talked like some Bubba from my neck of the woods...so of course I kept watching! But what he does is amazing. He cuts trees for a living and to pass the time he cuts the limbs at an angle so the rings of the tree make a pattern. He's found images that look like birds and all kind of stuff but this one he says looks like an angel. He was cutting down a tree around Christmas and was upset because it was going to be the first Christmas he spent with out his daughter. He cut the tree, looked at the image, and wha laa! An angel appeared unto him. He said he thought it was God's way of telling him it would be okay!

I'm so in love with this!! I think the man should sell the images he finds because they are like little love letters from God. I once heard this guy preach on nature. He was totally brilliant in what he was saying and it changed my idea of nature forever! He said that God allowed flowers to be created just to give Him praise. He allowed dogs and birds (probably not cats though...well okay maybe) to make noise so that they can sing His praise. I love that! Everytime I see a rose bush (not sure why rose bushes but whatever) I always think they are just singing to God! In Matthew 6: 25-34 (it's a long one but amazing one) it's all in red which Jesus said it and which also means we should pay special attention to it! Jesus is telling us to slow down and stop fussing about all the petty stuff of the world like clothes (I know ladies, it's a hard one to swallow!). But He reminds us what His father has done in nature in this passage. He references the birds of the air and how they don't have to plant and harvest and worry with groceries (imagine a world with no WALMARTS!!) He tells us to look at the lilies of the field and how beautiful they are and how Solomon was not even as decked out they are. He even tells us to take notice of the grass which is cut and burned, he provides for it just the same even though it's life is short. He is reminding us that WE His children are more important and more valuable than these things but we don't take the time to stop and know that He is God.

This little man that I wrongly accused of being from Slapout was reminded of our God and his glory in that tree stump! God is all around us all we have to do is look Him.